I can move my body without having to push myself? My thoughts exactly when I left my first yoga class 10 years ago.
I remember it being such a strange feeling. I was used to doing high intensity sports, always give your best, push yourself to the limit, go until you drop (literally drop, I once vomited after doing 3 x 3 x 100 m sprints on the cycle track)
But this was different. I was actually in touch with my body. Especially when the teacher said: feel where your body wants to take you.
In the beginning, I was lost. I remember thinking: how do I know where my body wants to go? Then I started experimenting with moving in different directions, flowy, holding, strong, soft. My body was actually speaking! It was telling me, go a little more left, yes that feels good to the right.
The aftermath: I felt so relaxed, so in touch with something bigger than my body and most of all: I did not have to perform. It did not have to look good, I did not have to reach any goal and luckily I did not have to vomit.
This was the beginning of healing my eating disorder. To go from pushing and having to move, control and being super hard on myself, to acceptance, softness, flowing and actual love for myself and understanding and listening to my body.
That is why I still do yoga every day, to get in touch with this realisation. To move my body out of love, and not out of fear.
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